Disciplining Children

A good home has good rules, and a Christian home has godly rules.  Your children need rules.  They crave limits that give them the safety and security to explore and be creative.  Whatever else your rules might be, they must first of all be consistent.  They must be consistent with the word of God, and consistently applied and enforced.

My wife and I have four children.  Having one now seems like hardly having any at all.  You can gang up on the child.  Having two children was different because we could no longer gang up on them, but at least we could split them up –divide and conquer.  When the third child came along, suddenly we were outnumbered.  We were playing zone defense.  The fourth child just made the zones wider.

One thing we learned early on was consistency.  The rules are the rules.  When the rules aren't really the rules, kids get confused.  All of a sudden they have to find out what the boundaries really are.  Your kids will look for boundaries, and they won’t be happy until they find them.

It’s unfair to your kids to punish them for breaking the rules one time, and let them slide the next time.  All of a sudden they understand that it’s not about the rules –it’s about Mom or Dad’s mood swings.

You need clear rules about everything.  They need to know what they can watch on TV, what they must eat at dinner, when they can use the telephone, how much time they can spend on the computer.  Is it okay to make exceptions?  Yes, but only if it is done beforehand and with the understanding that the rule is being suspended just this one time, not changed. For example, my oldest son is allowed one hour of video games per day.  On Friday nights we have movie night, and I may allow him to play longer.

You need clear communication.  The word “obey” has worked very well in our home.  If one of our children is not doing what they are told, I will say “Obey me and do this.”  My child understands at that point that there will be no further discussion, talk, or warnings.  If obedience is not immediate, the children know that I will act firmly.  Like the rising and setting of the sun, justice will surely be administered.

Discipline needs to be fair, swift, and consistent.  There are lots of ways to discipline children, and so long as the discipline is effective and not harsh, most of them are okay.  Consistency is more important than your choice of technique.

Here are some guidelines for judging appropriate discipline.

1. Never discipline in anger.  Your children need for you to be in control.  When you are not in control of yourself, they can sense that and it frustrates them.  When you are angry, your discipline will not be consistent.  You will make rash threats that you don’t mean, or worse yet you may injure your child.  We use timeouts in our home, but it’s primarily used to give the parent a chance to calm down before actual discipline is carried out.


2. Pick your battles, not everything is worthy of a battle.  I say this with reluctance, so let me explain.  Choose your battles carefully ahead of time.  If the behavior is not serious enough to go the distance in correcting, then you may want to let it go, especially if you are in a situation where discipline will be awkward.

But, if the behavior is serious enough to be corrected, then stick to your guns.  Don’t ever, ever start to discipline your children and then back down.  Never.  Once they sense your weakness, it’s like blood in the water.  They’ll eat you alive.  Always win.  Sometimes you may have to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.  Maybe you’ll just have to give your child a lollipop, but make the child be quiet and say please.  Find some shred of victory.


3. Realize that even children need to express anger from time to time.  You have to give your child a way to express their emotions.  There has to be some outlet.  We don’t allow our children to be mean or disrespectful, but we do allow them to speak their mind.  “Daddy, I’m mad at you” is okay.  “Daddy, you are an idiot” is not okay.

With younger children, you may need to talk them through this process.  They will have to be taught appropriate ways to express anger.  Be patient with them.


4. Choose the best time and place to discipline. Always discipline in private.  Grabbing your kid up and whacking him on the bottom in the checkout line at Wal-Mart is not a good idea.  If you are consistent with discipline, you won’t have to do it.  The promise that they will be punished in the car will work if they know that it really will happen.

If my wife and I are driving down the road, and one of the children misbehaves, we don't ignore it, yell threats, or swipe a hand around in the air.  I stop whatever else I am doing to correct my children.  Nothing else that I am doing is more important than teaching them.  I pull over to the side of the road, and calmly (okay, I might get peeved sometimes, but I never yell) make the standards understood.  If there is then disobedience, a spanking will follow.  I do not allow my children to be rebellious.


5. Choose your words carefully and speak in a soft tone of voice.  Words matter –they mean things.  Never, ever insult or degrade your child.  Address the bad behavior and make it known that you will not accept such behavior.  Never raise your voice in anger.  This conveys hatred to the child.  You want to change the behavior, not demean the child.

How do you know what behavior to correct?  The best answer is that we don’t need to just address the issue at hand, but we need to look into the heart.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

The behavior of a child reflects what is in his or her heart.  A child who takes toys doesn’t just need to correct that behavior, that child needs to learn generosity.  A child who hits doesn’t just need to correct that behavior, that child needs to learn compassion.  Help your child to guard his heart against sin.  Pray over your child every day –you will get an incredible blessing, and so will your child.

Luke 6
43“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

Changing only the outside behavior doesn’t solve the problem.

Imagine that you planted an apple tree.  After a couple of years it bears some apples, but they are bitter and wormy.  So, you go to the store and buy shiny, tasty apples and tie them onto the branches.  You haven’t helped the tree at all.  It still bears bad fruit.  Likewise putting your focus only on behavior modification is useless.  Work on your child’s heart.

I want to say a word or two about corporal punishment.  What I am about to say is only for Christian parents.  If you are not a Christian, do not try this at home.

We often hear the proverb “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”  That’s not anywhere to be found in the Bible.  Proverbs 13:24 actually says “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”  That’s a strong statement, folks.  Sometimes the rod of correction is the only medicine.  You owe it to your child to discipline lovingly and diligently.  When you withhold from them what is their right, you are showing contempt for your child.

The rod of correction is still fashionable with God.  Hebrews 12:6 says : For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges every son whom He receives.”

The sting of physical pain is nothing compared to the life of an undisciplined person with no boundaries or morality.

Proverbs 23
13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
14 Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from death.

Let me tell you what has worked for me.  We only spank for defiance and disobedience.  We never punish our children for mistakes.  Sometimes I’d like to pinch their heads off, mind you, but I never punish for mistakes, even really stupid ones.  But if I have placed something out of bounds, then I will spank them for disobeying my rules.  I don’t spank them for getting into the cookie jar, I spank them for doing it when I have forbidden it.

We use a flat paint-stirring stick.  The one gallon stick is suitable for younger children, the five gallon for older. It is light enough that it won’t cause injury, and yet delivers a sting on the seat of the pants.  Never use your bare hands.  Hands are for loving, rods are for correcting.  We always spank our kids on the legs or their bottom.  Those are not places where it will seem like an attack.  We have a system of one to five licks.  One is a reminder, five is for something serious like disrespecting an elder.

First the crime is reviewed.  Guilt is established.  This is not a time where they can argue, all comments are from the bench.  The sentence (including the number of licks to be applied) is then laid out and explained.  Punishment is then administered.  Immediately we embrace our child and tell them that we love them.  We explain that what they did was wrong, and that was why they were spanked. Finally, we lay out our expectations for better behavior, and encourage our child to do better.  If you will follow this pattern, your children will get a lesson from their spanking, instead of just a sore bottom.

There are many other means of discipline that we use for behavior that is not disobedient or defiant.  We withold privileges like television or toys.  We confine our child to the bed.  Confining your child to their room is like throwing Brer Rabbit into the Briar patch –they have Nintendo or toys to play with.  Make sure they stay in bed.

Whatever forms you use, remember the principles.

1. Never discipline in anger, always in love.

2. Pick your battles, not everything is worthy of a battle.  

3. Realize that even children need to express anger from time to time.

4. Choose the best time and place to discipline. 

5. Choose your words carefully and speak in a soft tone of voice. 

Between Two Fires

Sometimes we have to make hard choices in life, and often we seem to have to choose between two bad options.  In the US, people say that we are “between a rock and a hard place.”  Here in the region of Tyre, we say that we are “between two fires.” Which one is it better to be burned by?  That’s a great analogy for tough choices.

As Christians, how do we apply a Biblical morality to making those hard choices? This is especially important when other people will also be burned by the fire we choose.

Jesus gave us some important teachings to guide us through times like these.  He was often tested by being given two bad choices.  People wanted to know which bad choice he would prefer.  In these cases he never allowed himself to be blinded by the illusion that there are only two choices.

Here’s one of the best examples of Jesus making an ethical choice when offered two unethical options:

John 8:Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. 

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?"

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. 

They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. 

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

Notice that the Pharisees brought “a woman” who had been caught “in the act” of adultery. Could they not catch the man?  They then lied and told Jesus that the law of Moses says “to stone her.”  It says, actually, to stone them both.  But conveniently, they only caught the woman.  Was the man one of them?

For the Pharisees, this was never about justice.  They would have brought the man along, too, if they were interested in justice.  This was about forcing Jesus to make one of two bad choices.  These were political choices, to be clear.  He could ally himself with the Pharisees by sanctioning her stoning.  This would anger the Romans, of course, who did not allow upstart locals to administer executions.  Jesus could have allied himself against the Pharisees by repudiating stoning.  He would have been portrayed as an ally of the Hellenistic, liberal left who sold out to the Romans.

Jesus was trapped between two fires.  Neither choice was just or good.  

So Jesus chose goodness and justice.  Was his choice likely to challenge either of the two predominant political parties?  No.  The Romans remained in charge of the government, and the Pharisees remained in control of religious life.  Yet Jesus remained in possession of his own personal moral and ethical values.  He chose neither fire. They both conspired later to burn him together, but he never sold out his moral and ethical beliefs to the lesser of two fires.

If you are sure that your choice of evils is the right thing to do, consider these words of Jesus:

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”

There’s only a small space between those two fires.  Most people won’t find it.  They’ll follow the wide and easy path laid out for them.  They’ll tell you that any path off the wide path is the wrong direction. They’ll tell you that not choosing the first fire is the same as choosing the second one.  Don’t listen to them, listen to Jesus. 

With the Cross of Jesus, Marching on Before

In situations of conflict Christians often find themselves accomplices in war, rather than agents of peace. We find it difficult to distance ourselves from our selves and our own culture and so we echo its reigning opinions and mimic its practices. As we keep the vision of God's future alive, we need to reach out across the firing lines and join hands with our brothers and sisters on the other side. We need to let them pull us out of the enclosure of our own culture and its own peculiar set of prejudices so that we can read afresh the “one Word of God.” In this way we might become once again the salt to the world ridden by strife.  -Volf, Miroslav (2010-03-01). Exclusion & Embrace: A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness, and Reconciliation (p. 54). Abingdon Press. 

Volf's book is a sometimes meandering read, but it's given me occasion to think about what the scriptures teach Christians about priority.  In particular, it is helping me to consider how we as Western Churches respond to events in the East.  I will not engage in political commentary, but there is an issue of Christian faith which requires consideration.

After failing to found a cohesive community at Athens with his eloquent preaching, the Apostle Paul moved on to Corinth determined to preach only one thing:  "Jesus Christ, and him crucified."  In the simple statement we see that the cross is the foundation of the Christian community (Volf, p. 47).  It defines who belongs to the community, and the basis for interpersonal relationships within the community.

The community requires primary allegiance from members.  "If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple," Jesus said (Luke 14:26).  All other relationships are formed at the behest of the Cross.  We honor our father and mother because it is the way of the cross.  We love our wife and our earthly family because the cross leads us to love.  All of our relationships are restored and prioritized by the cross.  "Love one another," the cross calls to us, and so we love.

And stretching out His hand toward His disciples, He said, 

"Behold My mother and My brothers!"

The cross establishes our relationships with the secular world as well.  We are told to live quiet lives, to submit to the governing authorities, and to honor the King.  In the modern context, this means that we should be good citizens, but we are reminded that our Kingdom is not of this world.  Our citizenship bows to and serves the cross.  There is only one Church, which spans all cultures, through the suffering of Christ on the cross (Volf, p. 51).

Nowhere is this more relevant than the relationship between Churches in cultures that are in conflict.  When there is a clash of cultures or nations, Christians must first look across the conflict and find those members of our Church that are on the other side.  The first allegiance is always to the cross, and to our community founded upon it.  Opposing the "enemy" must be secondary to embracing our brethren.

In the context of the Arab world, western Churches must realize that they have communities of Christian brothers and sisters in many nations of the region.  While we might be quick to support Christians in the pro-western countries, Christians living in "pariah states" and the "axis of evil" are no less deserving of our love and faithfulness, and of our embrace.

I Me Wed?

My wonderful wife of 20 years is sick this morning, and as a dutiful husband I sat on the couch and watched a chick flick with her.  Normally my eyes glaze over and I think about video games for a couple of hours, but this movie caught my interest a bit because it stepped outside the normal wedding story/love triangle memes that define chick flicks.  The protagonist decides to marry herself in order to address the constant urging of her friends and family to get married.

Narcissisitc, Moi?

We have a problem in our society with foisting off marriages on the unprepared.  How can we act surprised at our astronomical divorce rates when our society is feeding that machine constantly?  Nowhere is this mistake more common than in the Church itself.

Some time ago I read an article about an elderly minister who passed away after many years spent performing weddings at a Chapel in the Smoky Mountains.  In the article it was mentioned that he had performed thousands of weddings over the years as a Chaplain.  While many people commented on how wonderful this was, I found it tragic.  Now, I have nothing against eloping for Chapel weddings.  My parents travelled to Georgia for a Chapel wedding and enjoyed almost fifty years of good marriage before my father passed away.

But there are crosses on

the top so it's still official.

I am opposed to ushering people into marriages for which they are not prepared.  You see, while this gentleman may have performed thousands of ceremonies, he didn't provide Biblical counseling for the couples.  There's no evidence that he tried to determine if they are believers.  He did a cultural ceremony with the trappings of Christianity thrown over it.  What makes this a shame is that this supposed minister of the Gospel should have known better, the Bible is very clear on these issues.

Ministers:
You are window dressing.  Jesus said "What God has joined together, let no man break apart."  God joins a believing man and woman in a holy covenant.  This means that no matter how much you read from the Bible, no matter how many times you pray, and no matter how many crosses are in the building, you cannot join anyone in marriage.  You cannot make anything Holy, Pastor.  You cannot join adulterers or non-believers in marriage.  You are window dressing, so act like it.

Several years ago a faithful Christian friend told me that his wife was divorcing him to marry another man.  She wasn't "happy."  What irked me most is that she had already planned her wedding with the Pastor of a Church in Albertville.  I understand grace and forgiveness, and fully believe that divorced people can repent and move forward with their lives, even remarrying when repentance and forgiveness are done.  But, you don't get to play that card if you are planning your wedding and divorce at the same time.  Jesus called that "adultery."  Shame on that Pastor who thought he could make that union Holy.  It was unholy, right there in the Church building.

This is not the important part.

What you can do is provide Biblical counseling to help couples know if this is God's will for them.  Confront them with the Gospel and make sure they understand the marriage covenant.  Try to talk them out of marriage if you can.  One couple came to me about marriage because she was pregnant.  This was not about a couple wanting to get married before God.  This was a divorce waiting to happen, complete with child custody battles and bitter, broken lives.  Thank God they listened to Biblical counsel and did not marry.

Friends and Family:

Every time you have the uncontrollable urge to pressure someone to get married, cut off one of your fingers with a knife.  When you have experienced that level of pain, then you can understand what you are inflicting on your beloved friend.

But I really, really want grandchildren

If you actually want to help your child, friend, or family member, discourage them from marriage, because that's what the Gospel does.

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

What?  Remain unmarried?  Who will love my child/friend?  What good purpose can s/he have without getting married?  Here's a crazy thought... How about God?  Can we trust him to give purpose and love?

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

Instead of pointing our children to the wedding chapel for purpose, let's point them to the Creator of the altar.  If you truly believe that God made your friend/family member for a purpose, then that must be the most important thing in his or her life.

The crazy girl in "I Me Wed" seemed to understand that concept better than most Christians.  Ironically, she married her boyfriend at the end of a movie.  It is, after all, just a chick flick.  The whole message of the movie was sold out to the inevitable plot ending required by the genre.

Let's not sell out the message of the Gospel that way.

Peacemaking and table-kicking: a guide to conflict resolution.

"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God."

 What does it mean to make peace?  Answering this question is essential for those who want to be called God's children.  How and with whom do we make peace?

This is not the sort of Peacemaker Jesus had in mind.

Clearly, the first place we must make peace is with God, and yet we cannot do that.  We are powerless to satisfy his just grievances against us -our idolatry, adultery, and rebellion are an insult to a Sovereign God.  Yet this very God chose to make peace with us, through the covenant of the blood of Jesus Christ, so that we are clothed in righteousness.  This peace is a gift of undeserved grace, that we must accept in humility.

We don't get to stop there, however.  We must also make peace with one another, and there is no generous gift of grace there for us to claim in most cases.  We end up being in the position of making peace with people that we really don't want to make peace with, and who really don't want to make peace with us.  Yet this is not an option, it a very serious matter:

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

We cannot be at peace with God if we are unwilling to make peace with his other children.  Any parent will understand this immediately.  I am not at peace with my children when they are hurting one another.

 

A typical day at my home.

Does making peace mean that we avoid conflict or confrontation?  No.  The scriptures clearly state that we are to confront error and actively work through conflict.

When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem.  In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money.  So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables.  To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”   His disciples remembered that it is written: “Zeal for your house will consume me.”

This is not gentle Jesus, meek and mild.  This is Jesus kicking over tables, battling against the injustice of those who would twist God's law for their own profit.  This was civil disobedience.

And don't come back, Yo.

If we want to understand peacemaking, we need to understand that Jesus did not avoid conflict, but rather he sought to resolve it.  Peacemaking is an active process, and Jesus gave his people a very simple formula to follow in personal relationships:

 

“If your brother sins against you,  go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.  But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

 

This is not a Cowboy vigilante system.  This is a system where believers act under authority.  That's much less fun than kicking over tables.  While the Quixotic Iconoclast endorses kicking over tables when the Gospel is perverted, Christians must also understand that Jesus spent a lifetime, and gave his life, to make peace by more, well,  peaceful means.  However, there are still those table-kicking moments:

Poster-children for "I never knew you."

A Life Well Lived

All my thirty-something friends are now forty-something friends.  It’s a time when men do crazy things like grow a pony tail, buy a motorcycle, or get that risqué tattoo they’ve always wanted.  As I’ve considered my own mid-lifeness over the last few years, I realize that we’re looking at our lives and wondering if we’ve really lived them.  There’s a difference between being alive, and really living.  The first is passive -breathing air, eating food, yelling at the television on Saturdays.  The second is active, and that means discovering our purpose in life and living it to the fullest.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God created each of us for something great.  He gave us passions, desires, and talents to aid us in achieving His great purpose.  It’s not the same for everyone.  In fact it’s very individual.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

God has a Master plan, and we are offered a place in that.  Even if we reject God, we cannot thwart his plan.  All we can do is rob ourselves of the joy of being the person we were created to be.

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

Everyone has a different role in the unfolding saga of our world.  Not everyone is a preacher or teacher.  Not everyone travels to foregin lands to share the Gospel.  Not everyone is a leader, Elder, or Deacon -nor should they be. 

God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.

Everyone matters.  Everyone has a part to play.  No one person gets all the credit.

My mother spent many years teaching a children’s Sunday School class.  A lot of people would smile and say “Oh, that’s nice.”  When you look at her class, in an ordinary country Church, you see that it has produced extraordinary fruit -preachers, teachers, missionaries, children who have grown up and spread the Gospel in many places.  Her part made a difference.

I recently was able to witness the harvest, as an Iraqi friend gave his life to Jesus.  There’s no greater thrill than welcoming a new brother or sister into the family.  Yet, I don’t get credit for that.  Others planted.  Others watered.  Others tended.  God brought the harvest.  Another of my friends is interested in Jesus, but nowhere near ready to make any decisions about him.  I’m just tilling the ground.  Others will plant, water, tend, and eventually God will bring fruit in his life.  I pray this for him.

One thing about the forties is that people are often in a rut by now.  We get children, bills, mortgages, entangled relationships -many things that make us feel trapped.  A new morotcycle won’t fix that.  The solution for that is deciding not to live another day wasted.  It’s a commitment to find God’s purpose in our lives, and live for that.

You contain the seed of greatness, placed in you by your creator in the womb.  Where we are right now, in our families and communities, we can find God’s purpose in our lives.  Don’t waste another day wandering aimlessly.  Be the Dad who raises godly children.  Be the woman who comforts the hurting.  Be the faithful encourager of broken spirits.  Be the person who prays faithfully, gives generously, and serves diligently.

It takes more than a decision to commit.  Those fail every year after January first.  It takes life change.  It takes surrendering to God, the maker of our lives and purposes.  It means following Jesus wherever he leads, finding the Holy Spirit at work and joining that.

That is the substance of a life well lived.

A "Flypaper" Ministry

I had a fantastic experience last night at "Best of the Blessed," an annual fundraiser for the Christian Women's Job Corps of Guntersville.  I've attended it every year since it began, and this year my dear brother Mark Brickey was kind enough to invite me to join him at a table sponsored by Sand Mountain Toyota.  The event was hosted by the Church at Lake Guntersville, which has been blessed to do this each year.

If you've never been to this event, make sure you get a ticket next year.  If you're a married man, it makes a fantastic date for your wife -unless your wife is like mine and insists on working.  Of course, having such a wife is a great blessing itself.

 The food was good, as it always has been.  This year they raised the bar by serving on real China, though the settings have always been classy.  The musical talent was diverse and entertaining.  A group from Sweet Home Baptist did a fine job opening, followed by the Church of Christ Chorale -a very talented group.  The First Baptist Pickers did a set of songs that reminded me of my younger days in an old Country Church.

The man whole really set the bar, though, was Zac Hicks.  The boy has talent.  He played acoustical guitar, but used a looping box that allowed him to accompany himself in an ever growing arrangement that ended in a crescendo of sound.  He was literally a one man band, and a very good one.  He even managed to make "Old MacDonald" sound good in an impromptu composition.


She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Nothing, however, compared to the main event.  Two of the ladies gave their testimonies about how CWJC had "lifted their heads."  Every year we get to hear about the powerful work of the Holy Spirit in this ministry.  Women turn their backs on lives of poverty, drug abuse, crime, abuse, and a whole host of evils.  They choose to follow Jesus Christ and be changed by him.  The two ladies this year both told of how God had brought them out of sin and broken homes, and restored their families.

I had a chance to meet one of the ladies who graduated several years ago when I first served on the Board of Directors.  She and her husband, both strong believers in Jesus, were led by the Lord to sponsor a table for $1,000.  She is now serving as a leader and mentor to other women through CWJC.  Truly God has lifted her up and made her a woman of strength and character.

Someone asked me what keeps drawing people to CWJC, and I answered that the ministry is like flypaper.  Once you touch it you're stuck, there's no getting away.  The work of the Holy Spirit, when it is obvious like this, is not something you can walk away from.  I'm already thinking ahead to a group of women coming to Beirut to set up the first CWJC in Lebanon.  Wouldn't that be great?

My hat is off to Site Coordinator Shelia Banks, who is stealing all the crowns in Glory, and to the many volunteers and leaders who serve in CWJC.  Brenda Hicks has been as blessing there, as she is with everything she touches.  Thank you all for your obedience.

Travel light, Christian

[Jesus] sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: “Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic." (Luke 9:2-5)

 What an odd set of instructions for Jesus to give his 12 disciples as he sent them out to spread the Gospel.  He could have told them not to pack a bunch of junk, but this was even more emphatic.  "Take nothing," he said.  Naturally I did a word study on this to better understand it, and "take nothing" actually means "take nothing."  Having failed to dilute this seemingly strange commandment to the 12, I now have to try to understand why such a bold instruction was made.

This is the same Jesus who said "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  He was referring to our needs such as food and clothing.  If I need a staff, I'll find one.  I don't need a bag, because it is used to carry things I don't need.  I don't need to carry extra money, God will provide what I need as the need arises.  I don't need an extra tunic, I can clean this one as I go.

Several years ago I had the pleasure of meeting Mike Johnson, who was then Pastor of First Baptist Church in Albertville.  He has since moved on to Boone's Chapel, and the great folks at FBC have another fantastic Pastor, Chris Johnson (oddly, no relation).  FBC Albertville one of the largest congregations in our County.

As Pastor of FBC Albertville,  Mike Johnson lived in a trailer.  Now, it was a nice trailer, but nonetheless his home was brought in on wheels.  It wasn't a salary issue.  Mike is also a successful business man and could have afforded to live in just about any house in town.

Mike chose to live in a trailer, he said, so that if God called him to do so, he could follow right then.

That hit me like a ton of bricks because I am in exactly the opposite situation.  My wife and I own a large poultry farm, a fairly large home, and a mortgage to go with the whole thing.  My chicken contract and mortgage contract are obligations that I must in good faith keep.  While we've never lived extravagantly, we are definitely tied down to the farm.  I should not be.

As Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”  At once they left their nets and followed him.

Did you read that, fellow Christian?  "At once" they left their nets.  It was two years ago when Kim and I agreed on God's call in our lives, to go to Lebanon.  Unfortunately, we have a mortgage on our nets, and as the Bible says "the borrower is servant to the lender."  I have to sell my boat and my nets to pay off my mortgage.  I've compared selling a chicken farm to wrestling an octopus.  When you pry a few tentacles off, there's always another one to grab you.

The problem is not what we have, it's whether it has us.  Mike Johnson is not a poor man, but he is a man who is ready to follow God's calling "at once."  I want to be like that.  This has been a painful lesson in some ways, knowing I should be doing something else, but being unable to do it "at once."  I know that God will work out the timing according to his will, but I haven't worked out my part according to his will.

No more debt, or contract entanglements, will keep me from being able to follow God's will in my life.  This is my last round wrestling the octopus.

A Tale of Two Kingdoms

Leviticus 19:33  Don't mistreat any foreigners who live in your land.  Instead, treat them as well as you treat citizens and love them as much as you love yourself. Remember, you were once foreigners in the land of Egypt. I am the LORD your God. 

So often we forget the simple lessons of God's Word, and get caught up in our own idea of wisdom.  Such is the case with the way the people of Alabama, and our government, are treating illegal aliens.  In order to understand the application of this part of God's Law, we must first understand the principle of Two Kingdoms.

John 18:36  Jesus answered, My kingdom is not of this world: if my kingdom were of this world, then would my servants fight, that I should not be delivered to the Jews: but now is my kingdom not from hence.

The central message of Jesus was the Kingdom of God.  Many of his most famous parables begin with "The Kingdom of God is like..."  Yet, no matter how much he preached and taught about the Kingdom of God, he couldn't get people to let go of the kingdom of this world.  There's a reason that the kingdom of this world is so alluring, so powerful.  It is the kingdom of Satan himself.

1 John 5:19  We are certain that we come from God and that the rest of the world is under the power of the devil.

But Jesus came to rescue us from the "Prince of this World".  He came to show us a better Kingdom, a kingdom based on his Laws, not the laws of man.  As we live in this world, there will always be a tension between the Law of God and the law of man.

John 12:31  Now is the judgment of this world: now shall the prince of this world be cast out.  And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto myself.

So, where does our allegiance lie?  When those Kingdoms collide, how does a believer respond to that?  We cannot expect the government to respond in a Christ-like manner, but shouldn't that be our response as believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, citizens of his Kingdom?  He bought our citizenship with his own blood.  Why, then, do so many Christians put their allegiance in the law of man?

Leviticus 19:33  Don't mistreat any foreigners who live in your land.  Instead, treat them as well as you treat citizens and love them as much as you love yourself. Remember, you were once foreigners in the land of Egypt. I am the LORD your God.

God's Kingdom knows no boundaries of citizenship or nation.  Lines drawn on the ground by men can never be the basis for how we respond to those in need.  In the parable of the Good Samaritan, we are taught that our neighbor is the person we find in need.  We are to love that person without regard to legal documentation.  They are to be treated just as we treat citizens.  Any other response is disobedience to God's Law.

If you, Christian, spend more time worrying about deporting illegal immigrants than you spend sharing the Gospel with immigrants, loving them as yourself, to which Kingdom do you belong?

Sucessful Evangelism

Tomorrow (Monday) I'm heading down to Birmingham with Pastor(s) Keith and Kenny to meet with Pastor John Constantine about a joint effort by our Churches to minister to Iraqi refugees. In praying about and planning for this meeting, I've been thinking a lot about what constitutes legitimate and “successful” mission efforts. Over the years I've had the opportunity to attend many meetings about missions and ministry. Among Baptists, for the most part, the success of a mission is measured by how many people were saved. Numbers are often thrown out as proof of success.

Now, don't get me wrong on this, I love seeing people get saved. There's really nothing better than seeing a dead person get a new lease on life. Yet, I can't help thinking that we as Baptists suffer from a fundamental misunderstanding of how people get saved. Because of this, we are reaching out in ways that are not producing the sort of kingdom fruit that God desires.

The teaching of the scriptures about what we are to do as Christians does not focus on people being saved. Consider one of the scriptures that is a favorite among those of us who are mission-minded Baptists, the Great Commission:

Therefore, as you go, disciple all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you.

We are given a single task here, broken into two elements. The single task is to make disciples. We accomplish that by doing two things. We baptize disciples, and we teach them. Nowhere here is there a mention of saving them, or even of leading them to salvation. Yet we understand, of course, that people cannot be baptized and taught as disciples unless they are saved.

Jesus made it clear that he alone offers salvation.

I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

We cannot baptize or teach those who do not claim the name of Jesus. No amount of teaching them how to behave in Church will save them. Merely “Christianizing” people is not enough. The most we can accomplish is changing their behavior, which has no bearing on their eternal relationship with the living God.

Jesus made it clear that he alone does the saving:

On this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of Hell shall not withstand it.

He will build his Church. He didn't ask us to build it, nor should we. Any Church I build is destined to be as screwed up as its founder, or worse.

We must leave salvation to the work of the Holy Spirit, because we are unworthy to save. It should not be manipulated, coerced, or otherwise “helped”. The very idea that we can arrange matters so that more or fewer people are saved is arrogant, and an attempt on our part to play God.

Charles Finney is to blame for the modern invitation system, and much of the poor theology that goes along with it. In addition to being a Pelagian heretic, he pioneered the use of altar calls, high-pressure preaching, and emotional appeals. The idea of scoring a large number of converts with slick packaging at an event is a recent concept with no roots in historical Christianity. It's a marketing technique rooted in modern thinking, and its legacy drives missionary efforts worldwide. When we do see large numbers of people converted, as happened at Pentecost, it is with a simple preaching of the Word during a move of the Holy Spirit.

The Gospel of Finney would equip missionaries with the following instructions:

Go out and organize large evangelistic gatherings, draw as many people as you possibly can to the event. Preach an emotionally charged message, and deliver it with great fervor. Use dramas, music, or anything you can to appeal to people's emotions -guilt, anxiety, fear.

If people aren't responding, turn up the volume. Preach harder, sing one more verse of the invitation song and make an especially strong emotional appeal. Plead, cry, beg, threaten -do whatever it takes to get them to come forward and make a decision. Plant a few people in the audience who will pretend to respond, to serve as a catalyst.

When Jesus sent out his first missionary team, he gave them these instructions:

As you go, proclaim, 'The kingdom of heaven is near! Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, drive out demons. Without payment you have received; without payment you are to give. Don't take any gold, silver, or copper in your moneybags, or a traveling bag for the trip, or an extra shirt, or sandals, or a walking stick. For a worker deserves his food.

Whatever town or village you enter, find out who is worthy in it and stay there until you leave. As you enter the house, greet it. If the house is receptive, let your blessing of peace come on it. But if it isn't receptive, let your blessing of peace return to you. If no one welcomes you or listens to your words, as you leave that house or town, shake its dust off your feet.

More to the point, Jesus told us:

In the same way, let your light shine before people in such a way that they will see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

If we want to know what missions and ministry should look like, we need look no further than the words of our Lord and Savior:

When the Son of Man comes in his glory and all the angels are with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be assembled in front of him, and he will separate them from each other as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right but the goats on his left.

Then the king will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who have been blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger, and you welcomed me. I was naked, and you clothed me. I was sick, and you took care of me. I was in prison, and you visited me.'

This is nothing like the one-shot evangelism practiced by so many today. Churches and ministries move in for a short term effort, and look for ways to manipulate people to maximize the results of their work -a work which is not theirs in the first place.

We live in an industrial age, and view everything in the lens of mass production. We look for a more efficient process to produce greater results. Applying this to ministry and evangelism may produce more decisions, but does it produce more disciples? More to the point, does it follow in obedience to God?

We done hatin' yet?

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

These words of Jesus challenge us even in the easiest times, but they are especially tough when we have a real enemy who hates us and is trying to kill us. Yet, this is the very time that we need to cling to these words of Jesus instead of forgetting them or pushing them aside.

Do you remember where you were on 9/11? I do. I was getting an electric motor rebuilt at a shop in town. In the office they were watching coverage of that bizarre plane crash into one of the World Trade Center towers. All of us were wondering how such an accident could happen. As we watched, the second plane crashed. That was when it hit us, this was no accident. Immediately we realized that some terrible enemy had done this, and instinctively we knew they were Muslim.

For there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.

Our government reacted swiftly and decisively in Afghanistan to pursue the attackers. They forced them into caves and hunted them down. A second war was started in Iraq just on the suspicion that some of them might be there. Was this just and right? We may never really know, but our government did what governments do at such times -they attacked our enemies.

But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer

The scriptures tell us that God has established the authority of government and placed a sword in the hand of the ruler. This is what governments do. It doesn't need to be dressed up as compassion or Crusade -it is the brute force of a sword. We should not expect anything else from our government other than that which God has established. Our government has done it's job, pouring 800 billion dollars and the lives of almost 5,000 service members into the pursuit of our enemies.

What was the reaction of the Church to this? I can tell you the reaction of my own Southern Baptist convention:

"Military action against the Iraqi government would be a defensive action. ... The human cost of not taking [then-Iraqi dictator Saddam] Hussein out and removing his government as a producer, proliferator and proponent of the use of weapons of mass destruction means we can either pay now or we can pay a lot more later," said Richard Land, head of the Southern Baptist Convention's ethics agency, in a Sept. 2002 article published by the denomination's news service.

Land also rounded up signatures from fellow conservatives on an open letter stating that the Iraq invasion would be a "just war" based on traditional Christian theological criteria. In the midst of all this warmongering, I wonder if Land paused to consider that the Church had a role other than cheerleader of the sword.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

Could it be that G0d has not placed a sword in the hand of the Church, as he has the government? Are we perhaps armed rather with an Olive Branch? Going into a war against our enemies allows us to place our faith in technology -tanks, jet fighters, body armor. Going to our enemies in peace, armed with good will requires faith in God. Which glorifies him?

On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Our orders seem pretty clear here. How well have we followed them? Sadly, our government has not only done their job better than we've done ours -the government has done our job better than we've done it. USAID has poured almost 7 billion dollars into aid to Iraq. The aid and effort of Churches is so vague that no reliable numbers even exist. The SBC boasted of plans to send 25,000 evangelists to Iraq, but a desperate plea for 150 was never met.

Yet an even larger question looms: Can we effectively spread the Gospel in Iraq? I'm always amused when Christians describe how Islam was spread by the sword. Have you paused to consider how the Church has spread the Gospel in the last few centuries?

The Spanish "Christianized" the New World by sending missionaries behind their armies. Broken and enslaved indigenous people were taught about the White Man's god. They gave that god their reluctant allegiance, and even today the Churches of Latin America are plagued with syncretic worship that includes pagan beliefs like those of the Maya. The British brought Christianity to China at the point of a gun, along with opium. It has taken over 100 years for the name of Jesus to be looked on with anything other than disgust by most Chinese. Now missionaries follow American guns to Iraq and Afghanistan. Maybe it's a good thing that only a few of them are there.

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that.

These days it's easy to hate and distrust Arabs. Just today, a Muslim officer in the US Army killed 12 soldiers in an attack at Ft. Hood, Texas. The shooter's name was Major Malik Nadal Hasan. It's an Arab name. Mohamed Atta led the 9/11 attacks along with other men with Arab names like Marwan al-Shehhi, Said Bahaji, Mounir el Motassadeq, and Ziad Jarrah. Since Yassir Arafat brought Islamist terror to the forefront thirty years ago, Arab names have been associated with violence and fear against the US. It seems like just when Americans might be ready to quit hating and mistrusting Arabs, another name like that comes along with some story of terror and death.

I have friends with Arab names . All of them are very nice, warm, hospitable people who have no concept of harming anyone. Yet, events like those of this afternoon bring suspicion on them nonetheless. It is broken human nature, and it's unrealistic of us to pretend otherwise.

The question is, are we as the Church willing to move out from behind the gun? Are we willing to love those whom we would rather fear and distrust?

Where Does Your Heart Belong?

C.S. Lewis, "The Weight of Glory"
"...If we consider...the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures...like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."


I came to the realization not long ago that I have been settling for second best in my life for far too long. The past few years have been good ones, to be sure. I've Pastored a couple of Churches and a recovery ministry. It's been a great privilege to serve on the boards of CMJC and CWJC. Farming has allowed me to home school my children. It would be easy to be satisfied with that. Yet, as C. S. Lewis so eloquently realized, the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels far exceed my comfortable life. I have been too easily pleased.

God has a greater plan for my life, and for my family. We've spent so long living in a world of our own making, maintained by our own capability, that we've lost sight of the abundant life promised by God.

The potter has crafted each of us for a great purpose. It would be very sad if I died without ever achieving the one great thing for which God created me. I don't want to waste another day doing anything else.

John 4:35
I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together.

The teaching is clear. Now is the time. We often spend so much time planning and preparing that we miss the work of the Holy Spirit. We end up going under our own power because we show up too late. We show up after the harvest is finished and the grain has fallen from the stalks. No great plan or purpose of ours can make up for the lack of missing God's work. Now is the time.

Revelation 21:1
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away

All the things I've built -my house, my barns, will crumble. My tractor will rust and fall apart. Even the very land on which they rest will someday be gone. The Pharaohs and Caesars built impressive monuments, but they too will pass. We build legacies in the hope that we will be remembered, but we build them in the wrong world. The old earth will be destroyed, and a new earth created. Nothing is eternal in this physical world.

The only thing that will ever matter is what we do for the kingdom of God. That is the only eternal thing -the lives of other people that we touch.

Matthew 6:19
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

David Livingstone was a famous missionary and explorer who dedicated his life to finding innovative ways to share the Gospel in Africa. He spent his life exploring that Continent and sharing the message of Christ in villages in the remote regions unreached by other missionaries. He had a genuine love for Africa and her people, and a passion to see them won for Christ. It was a difficult life -his wife turned to alcoholism and later died of malaria. He made many mistakes and poor choices, not the least of which was failure to be a father to his own children.

Many considered his journeys a failure, because he himself won only one known convert during all his years of preaching and exploration. Yet, his love and passion for Africa, and for the Gospel inspired generations and nations to missionary work on that continent.

Wracked by malaria and dysentery, his body spent from his grueling expeditions, Livingstone died in 1873 in a small African village at Ilala. The natives agreed to return his body to England for burial, but they kept his heart, and buried it under a small tree outside the village.

“You can have his body,” said the note they sent with the corpse, “but his heart belongs in Africa.”

Where does your heart belong?